I have to admit that this post is years in the making and the realization that I was, in fact, ready to write it came from a recent experience.
When I was home in Cleveland a few weeks ago, my dearest and longest-standing friend brought me to see the new house she and her husband were in the process of building. Y’all. This house belongs in a magazine. Gorgeous, decedent, luxurious and opulent don’t even come close to describing it. It’s breath-taking and I can’t wait to see it when it’s done. I walked around the half-finished house gaping, admiring its beauty and.. genuinely, completely, sincerely ELATED for my friend.
This wouldn’t have always been the case, I must admit. Even with my dearest of friends, I must say that jealousy has snuck in to my heart on many occasions throughout the years. No more.
Today I thought it might be helpful to talk about how I got to this point and how you can get there too. Jealousy can be an ugly thing that can destroy you from the inside. If you find yourself in a jealous place, find a way to get rid of it, and fast.
Practice gratitude
No matter your faith tradition, practicing gratitude is something that is not only helpful, but essential to your outlook on life. I’ve found that it’s best practiced when it’s specific. For example, today I was especially grateful for the new pumpkin spice coffee I discovered at Target (it’s really good) and for the impromptu walk Jim and I took that was perfect temperature-wise. I happen to believe that these are gifts from God, but if you’re not quite there yet, keeping a gratitude journal, or simply remembering a few blessings from the day before bed is everything. It’s such a great practice that I can’t recommend enough.
Use your friends’ accomplishments as a catalyst for your own goals.
When I was at my friends’ house, I kept imagining myself in that house too.. In fact, I *might* have checked to see if the lot next to them was still open for construction (it wasn’t). I’m not in any way saying I was being competitive–that’s not at all the goal. But, seeing what she and her husband were able to do with similar backgrounds and educations to what Jim and I have was a good reminder that we can too! Sometimes we need goal-getters in our lives to show us what we’re capable of. Thinking of friends’ accomplishments in that light can really change your perspective too. Friends who make you a better version of yourself are the best kind. Trust me.
Change your circumstances to better your life
Unless you’re in some serious situation that involves a dying immediate family member, I’m a firm believer that you CAN change your circumstance today. Often laziness or “I don’t have time,” also known as “It’s not a priority” are to blame. Jealous that a friend has a more bustling social life than you? Make more friends (it’s easier than you may think). Jealous that your friend has more money than you? Start putting things in place to find a new job. Jealous that your friend is skinnier/prettier than you? Adopt healthier habits today to change that tomorrow.
Remember that things aren’t always as they seem.
In the words of Britney Spears, “She’s so lucky, she’s a star but she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart thinking, ‘If there’s nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?'” In all seriousness, everyone suffers. Everyone has bad hair days and loses family members. Everyone’s kid has a meltdown in the middle of Target sometimes. And yes, even seemingly very wealthy, accomplished people run in to financial issues from time to time. I’m not saying this so that you can relish in others’ misfortunes. I’m saying this because it’s a good reminder that even those who appear perfect aren’t. There was only ever one perfect Person and those of us who are Christians know Who that was ;).
I’ve been told that I’m a little too straight of a shooter when it comes to things like this and perhaps I am. It’s just that I’ve seen jealousy ruin one too many friendships and if this can be a gentle reminder to one person to combat her jealousy, I’d say it was worth writing. I hope you’re having a great Thursday!
